Tag Archives: The Director

Notice! Important Rodeo News Announcement

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For Immediate Release:

No NDA; Full Dispersement All TV, Radio and Print

© The Institute Public Relations Department

New Breed of Rodeo Bull available immediately

The Institute announced today the release of a new breed of bull to be used in all general rodeos both public and private. A member of the Sanga species of cattle, the Ankole-Watusi or Ankole Longhorn is a 1200-1600 lb. animal with rather remarkable horns that grow to 8′ in width and have been measured at 12′ across from tip to tip in the truly larger specimens.

We see them as particularly interesting in events such as Steer roping, Steer Wrestling, Bull riding, kiddie rodeos etc. We do not recommend them for petting zoos, carnivals or arcades that feature cows doing tricks, or as a replacement for oxen, carabao, or other domesticated breeds of working cattle. Due to their unpredictable tendencies towards mayhem and property damage we do not sell, rent or lend them to private citizens or countries hostile to the interests of the U.S.

They are trail-able in open top trailers with four or more axles. They do not respond well to cattle prods but can be managed with portable Arc welders set on high. Tig welders work best rather than the spool fed Mig welder as you can more easily drop the Tig welder assembly and run away when necessary, where as many Cowhands have become tangled in the wire feeder spool of the Tig welder and been tripped up letting the irritated bull “Catch” them and stomp off their legs.

Imagine the excitement of watching the “Big Loop” ropers as they spin the big hoop to catch one of these fast-moving bullet train bulls. Or the size of the biceps, not to mention the Juevos, on those heavy duty Steer wrestlers as they try to bring down one of these bad boys. Bull riders will be “backing up” when they draw one of these huge fellows. Think Mike Tyson when they draw one of these guys and hopefully getting an ear bit off will be the least of their problems. They’ll probably need an ear bit off just to get on one of these. These are not just your typical African cows. As you may have already imagined, being a product of The Institute, we have genetically modified these bulls to behave just a little more aggressively and be a tad more murderous and quicker to become miffed at any one who tries to ride them.

These new “Rodeo Ready™ bulls are only available from The Institute and can be rented by the hour, day or season (with acceptable credit) from our Rodeo-Ready™ Supply store here at The Institute’s Rodeo Training™ and Physical Therapy department. Note: Due to liability issues we can not rent out more that 150 bulls to any one customer. Please contact Clarence “one Eye” McThompson in our prosthetics and Ass-Sling department for more details.

End of Press Release. All news outlets run as many times as possible. See below for further information on these great new Rodeo Bulls.

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These animals were usually owned by African Royalty and were called the “Cattle of Kings” and the Inyambo, “the cows with long, long horns.” As this breed is also known for its ferocious, aggressive tendencies and a unabiding hatred of humans, and a desire and an ability to mash much of the royalty that owned them to a thin paste under their hooves, plus their inability to get along generally, they are considered extinct in many parts of Africa today. This bull is an adaptation of a much older African species of bovine mutilators used by many tribes to decimate, or at least wipe out, their enemies by sending elven or twelve of them into their neighbors Enkang (village) to wreak havoc on their Bombas (homes) by first leveling the village then eating the materials used to build their huts. Thereby leaving their enemies homeless, penniless and dung ridden and easy to subdue.

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This close up of bull no. 8811 or “Little Bill” as he’s known around the bull pen, shows one of the new characteristics of our genetic meddling with their DNA. Look closely at the rings circling their horns and you will see that there are darker and lighter rings circling them. Each of those rings are a permanent encoded marker, or record, of their victories in the arena. The darker rings signify the number of cowboys or anyone else goofy enough to get too close to them that indicates the contest resulted in a successful fatality. The lighter rings show that a permanent maiming took place rather than a fatality. This is a handy way to easily see the bulls level of meanness which is helpful if you want to bail when you’ve seen you’ve drawn one of these to ride. Given the patented lighter/darker formula of indicating the outcome of individual contests the completely dark areas at the ends of Little Bills horns show that he was one of the original dozen bulls sent into a village and the fatalities were too high to count. This resulted in the blackout at the end of his horns. Don’t mess with Little Bill if you don’t have to.

Let us know if we can help you with your stock needs at any of your official, private, or backyard rodeos and we’ll be happy to send you one sample bull to try out. If you think he meets your needs we’ll be glad to work out a rental program to suit your requirements. Rodeo season is just around the corner and as the fatality record goes up these bulls will be hard to find. Reserve your stock now while we’re making deals. Otherwise expect to pay top dollar when all your regular bulls wimp out during the height of the season. Please direct all correspondence to The Director at the Institute.

Horse Spinning

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We don’t normally repost images here on BigShotsNow but some information that has surfaced and been made public require our clarifying facts regarding this picture. This shot was originally posted on 2015-09-02 and referred to events taking place at the Crow Fair rodeo. http://www.bigshotsnow.com/crow-fair-2015-rodeo/

Originally there was a comment attached to this photo referring to an unusual way to dismount a bucking horse when one tired of riding it. We have to tender an apology as we were mistaken in providing that information. This is not what is happening at all.

What is happening in the image is not a regular or common shot of a cowboy falling off his horse, but is in fact a horse and rider participating in one of the newest and most spectacular events on the rodeo circuit. That event is Horse Spinning. Many of you who attend rodeo events regularly, have known about this event for sometime but have been remiss in sharing this information, (I’m looking at you, Eddie) so we misreported a very important event when it should have received worldwide attention due to its uniqueness.

It is a simple appearing event but that is totally misleading as this event brings into play every skill that the horse and rider possesses. What you see in the image above is the rider entering into position so the horse, who is just stepping into the first part of the circle, can complete a rotation. The horse has to have complete control of its bucking ability as it needs to know exactly how and when to ‘Unload” the cowboy while maintaining enough speed to keep its revolutions up, and the cowboy has to have dexterity and strength and an ability to overcome dizziness similar to what astronauts are tested for, to keep the horse totally focused on “getting his rev’s in”. Where the cowboy places his foot on the side of the horses body allows him to be the pivot man and determines how much strength he needs to have, to pull the horse around him in a 360° circle. The amount of bucking the horse does in his circuitous route around the cowboy and the cowboys ability to remain properly suspended in the proper position while spinning around with his horse, will give him a point rating for the event.

One to three rotations of the pair will give the team a score of two to four depending on how stable the cowboy looked while competing and how the judges viewed their performance. Turning in a performance of eleven rotations or more within the eight seconds allowed for the event will send the team to the National hands down. This team was only able to get one and a half revolutions in the eight seconds and were  ultimately disqualified due to the cowboy letting his left foot leave the horse’s side. His foot must be firmly stuck to the horse’s side throughout the event. One of the rules applied to this competition event is that once airborne, the cowboy’s foot can not leave the horse’s side or use his foot to hook into the stirrup or the team will be disqualified and given no score. That’s what happened here. Tough luck for this team.

It was a bitter disappointment for the team as they were thought to be one of the frontrunners in this event and destined to bring this event to a much broader audience by attending the Nationals. But this is rodeo. One day you win, another you don’t. There’s always the next time when fortunes can change in a heartbeat, or a rotation in this case. Be sure to watch for this event in upcoming rodeos. This will be a showstopper right up there with bull riding. For more information on this event and how to enter contact The Director at The Institute and we’ll send you to the proper people to talk to.